When Old Wounds Start Bleeding Again

Healing, means also: feeling, requires time and gentleness with oneself. A realization I came to some time ago. When old wounds make themselves known, it often takes a while before I understand what is actually showing up. And above all: that it is something old and doesn’t really affect me as the adult.

This kind of inner reflection is something we should give ourselves regularly. Becoming aware that it’s important to move into healing and to take the time for it, even in everyday life. For me, that might mean sleeping longer or simply allowing myself to stay in bed. Taking more time in the morning and prioritizing journaling over the tasks on my to-do list. Simply slowing down.

For me as a woman, my period is especially an emotional magnifying glass. And what I used to judge and feel ashamed of (“You’re so emotional / You’re seeing everything more dramatically now”), I now experience as a seismograph for emotional states within me that haven’t yet been resolved. That are still allowed to heal. Or that simply are a part of who I am.

Words of affection touch me more deeply, because I find the feeling behind them incredibly beautiful and intense. The happiness and awe of being able to feel and experience connection.
At the same time, certain actions and words hurt me more – because something inside me gets triggered that I used to be able to overlook more easily, but now becomes louder and makes itself known. Look at me!, it calls.

And again and again, I notice how soothing it is to learn how to hold myself. To give myself the love that the small, wounded part of me is missing. Because it missed it in the past. To enter into dialogue and connection with myself. To cry and to comfort myself. To set boundaries for myself and to stand up for them.

Two years ago, I wouldn’t have thought this was truly an option. That it was even possible. But becoming aware of my inner states and triggers, consciously allowing my feelings, and giving myself permission to be gentle with myself have helped me immensely. There was even a week during this learning phase when I was completely knocked out, able to do nothing but lie in bed and go for walks. Feeling what you don’t want to feel can take up a lot of space when you’ve avoided it for years.

And I can only encourage everyone here to open themselves to this process – which will probably never truly be finished, but makes life so much deeper and more intense. Because in the end, we come and go alone, so what a shame it would be if we hadn’t cultivated the best possible relationship with ourselves, right?